Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, the orange-tinted stereotype who damaged the psyche of all those who watched MTV’s Jersey Shore last year, was encountered by an activist vessel while swimming in Seaside Heights, NJ over the weekend.
(The activist vessel was undoubtedly NOT Greenpeace, because when I first submitted this story, I wrote that it was Greenpeace, and entire sentences containing the word Greenpeace were edited out, rendering the story SENSELESS. So, yeah, absolutely not Greenpeace.)
The not Greenpeace vessel then moved toward shore, flanking the flailing Oompa-Loompa, ostensibly to safeguard her from fishermen who may perhaps have mistaken her for a Beluga whale.
“We took up position just East of her inside the surf. At first, we believed that the animal was about to beach itself, and we planned to initiate a rescue. Upon closer inspection, we found out how the animal was certainly human, regardless of its size.”
Polizzi revealed that she had been harpooned illegally by poachers on a minimum of two occasions from the late 90′s.
None of the poachers were Greenpeace, just to become clear.
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